I threw a secret1 grad party last Friday whose theme was ‘Deer in Headlights.’ The few folks who fall in the venn diagram of having attended it and who read this blog have heard this spiel before2, but I promise this writeup will be a bit more cohesive and poetic than me taking a shot and bumbling awkwardly in front of everyone without a plan for eight minutes.
I’ve been a part of my college theatre, DramaTech, for the entirety of my college career. We always put on an end-of-year banquet, and we get to submit our own themes as suggestions. At the start of the year I thought that “Deer in Headlights” would be a sick as hell theme for a party. When I was asked to explain what it meant, I froze up and couldn’t figure out how to put it into words. But it’s been three months and I know have a BS degree in literature, media, and communications. And boy do I have an answer.
I often feel like a deer in the headlights, gasping in surprise at unexpected events. My friends have seen me be surprised by smaller things, so it isn’t crazy for me to say that graduation feels like getting caught in floodlights. I’m stuck between the comfort of school & routine and the uncertainty of what the future might bring. The bright lights of graduation are tempting and sirenesque, tugging me away from college and into the next stage of my life.
I’ve talked to some of my friends about this, but I was waffling on my grad school decision until the very last day because I wasn’t sure what I should do. While it’s certainly had its ups and downs, I’ve loved my time at Tech, getting to know so many amazing friends & professors and dabble in a miscellany of clubs. For the people who’ve known me since my freshman or sophomore year, isn’t it crazy how much I’ve changed? I’m so much more sociable and less awkward, and I’m more proud of my individuality. (I’ve also become more annoying and am still just as insensitive– don’t worry, I’m a bit self aware)
Every single friend I’ve met at Tech has made my college experience measurably more wonderful, which made deciding what to do post-grad even harder. I could just come back for another degree and finally take origami engineering and all the other classes I never got to take!
But at a certain point it isn’t worth having spent that long at a college when there are so many other things I can explore. Everyone has moments where they’re caught in the headlights, but you don’t have to freeze and get run over! We’ve got this wonderful ability to be resilient and thrive in difficult circumstances. If my indecisive ass can do that, you can too.
That was part of why I was drawn to ‘Deer in Headlights’ as a theme. I think it’s important to celebrate occasions like these. Celebrate disruptive change and find moments to intentionally cherish the people in your life. I have more thoughts about hosting that I’ll pen down later, so I’ll stop writing this for now and pivot to an update about this blog.
I’ve been a bit slow to update this blog and drafts have been piling up on the side. But draft no more! They’ll be posted pretty quickly over the next few days. Upcoming posts include: a book review and reflection of Butter by Asako Yuzuki; my emoji essay; thoughts on Bobs Burgers; Pancake Day Race; and new words I’ve learned. Anyways, I’m gonna stop tacking on more stuff to this post because I’ve said most of what I wanted to. Cheers to the next post!
Title Credits
Another original one! My goodness the creativity in my brain is unlimited.